Have you ever been at that crossroads? You know the one. Not the one yellow-colored one Robert Frost wrote about. The other one where Fear stands, pointing & yelling, This one is safer! You know you can’t make it down that path! You’re not up for it! You’ll never make it! You might as well give up while you’re ahead!
I’m standing there now. I’m looking at Fear. I’m hearing his words. And I can’t make up my mind.
Friday, I screamed at my husband for about twenty straight minute because of all of this fear that has built up inside of me. Saturday, I had several meltdowns, weeping & sniveling & mascara running all down my face. Sunday, I could hardly get out of bed & go to church because I am almost too terrified to face the world.
You see, Jed & I had made plans many months ago to attend a leadership college, but recently our plans have been sped up. We will go to Alabama in November to find an apartment. I audition for the school’s worship track in December. Lord willing, we will be in school on the ninth of January.
And the enemy has grabbed a hold of this small heart of mine, spoon-feeding me lies that are nestling into my soul. The lies tell me that I can’t sing good enough for a mega-church. They shove in my face the fact that all of my clothes are old & worn & I won’t look the part. They whisper that all the fancy Highlands people won’t like Nora. They tell me that someone will watch my application video & be completely turned off by the Southern drawl I never knew I had. They tell me I can never find an apartment in time. They convince me I won’t be able to get a job with no previous experience. They whisper & spit & claw at my very being, and I feel like I am falling to pieces before I have even chosen a path.
But fear isn’t the real thing in this moment.
God telling me to go is real.
God wanting me in Birmingham is real.
God placing in me the desire to be a worship leader is real.
God having great things in store for me is real.
And the thing that wows me is that the enemy knows something is afoot. He may not be able to read thoughts & he may not know the future, but he knows pieces are moving that will disrupt his plans of destruction. He forces these lies into my world, knowing that if he can keep me from God’s plans, he has won. But this fear inside that is threatening to take over is not real. None of it. Those lies have no ounce of truth in them.
Because God says I am beautiful. He says He created me with wonderful intentions. He says He will go before me & never leave me. He says He has a great purpose for me. He says I am a force of His to light up this dark world. He says I can do all things when I rely on Him. He says He will hold my hand & comfort me in the night.
And when I choose to hear that over the lies, something incredible happens.
The lies stop.